TBH, No One Can EVER Know Read online

How are u always so in touch w/ people

  Ur like a psychic therapist mastermind genius or something

  CECILY

  LOL that is a lot of things, Pri

  PRIANKA

  So true, tho

  CECILY

  IDK I just get a sense that Vic really struggles with it even though she doesn’t talk about it much

  GABRIELLE

  Yeah

  Maybe she’ll wanna talk about it one day

  CECILY

  K this side chat is getting too gossipy

  PRIANKA

  Love how you started it, Cece, and now you’re putting the kibosh

  GABRIELLE

  Lol kibosh

  Such a funny word

  PRIANKA

  Wanna know another word I love

  CECILY

  Ya

  PRIANKA

  Lackluster

  Isn’t that a good one

  CECILY

  So good

  I love words

  PRIANKA

  Me too duh

  GABRIELLE

  K guys this has been fun

  PRIANKA

  I gotta get ready for Jennie’s w/ Vishal

  GABRIELLE

  Oooh have fun

  LOVE YA

  PRIANKA

  Thanks! Mwah

  CECILY

  Mwah mwah mwah

  HAVE SO MUCH FUN

  Squad 4 Life

  VICTORIA

  U guyssssss

  Since I had to leave early and I missed the dance planning meeting the other day, I emailed Mr. C about how I think it should be a fundraiser for St. Francis

  GABRIELLE

  OMGGGGGGG sooo glad you wrote him

  Vic that is

  VICTORIA

  And party company will donate stuff

  CECILY

  Yessssss

  CECILY

  Love how you’re so pumped up, Vic

  VICTORIA

  Yaaayyyyyyy

  To: Victoria Melford

  From: Edward Carransey

  Subject: RE: Valentine’s Day Dance

  Dear Victoria,

  What an incredible idea! I am thrilled you’re taking initiative with the dance! We can most certainly make it a fundraiser for St. Francis. Let’s discuss in more depth next week.

  Thank you very much,

  Mr. C

  *sent from my iPhone. Please excuse typos*

  Gabrielle, Mom

  GABRIELLE

  Hi, Mom

  MOM

  Hi

  Why are we texting when we are sitting on the same couch?

  GABRIELLE

  It’s fun

  MOM

  Ok

  Hi

  GABRIELLE

  Can u take me shopping for a dress for Ethan’s wedding

  GABRIELLE

  I know I just got new dresses for bat mitzvahs

  But please

  MOM

  Let me think about it

  Maybe we will split and you will use half of your dog walking $

  GABRIELLE

  That could be good

  Also

  Can we look into me volunteering at YAS

  MOM

  YAS?

  GABRIELLE

  Yorkville Animal Shelter

  MOM

  Oh!

  Sure!

  GABRIELLE

  Could be great for me right?

  MOM

  Definitely

  Love to see you taking an interest in something

  GABRIELLE

  Such a mom comment

  MOM

  I am a mom LOL LOL

  GABRIELLE

  Hahahahah

  GABRIELLE

  Ok coming to snuggle

  MOM

  Squad 4 Life

  PRIANKA

  You guysssssss

  Jennie’s w/ Vishal was soooo much fun

  CECILY

  Yayyyyyyy that is soo sooooo great

  GABRIELLE

  PRI!!!!

  GABRIELLE

  First date!!!!

  VICTORIA

  WOOOO

  Deleting this text chain

  BRB

  No talk of dates for Mama Melford to snoop on

  PRIANKA

  K

  Done

  From: Gabrielle Katz

  To: Yorkville Animal Shelter

  Subject: volunteering

  Dear Yorkville Animal Shelter:

  I wanted to find out about volunteer programs for middle school kids. I love dogs and I want to help. Please get back to me.

  Thank you,

  Gabrielle Katz

  Victoria, Mom

  VICTORIA

  Mom

  I am begging you

  Please don’t go nuts about the Valentine’s Day dance

  Normal for kids to take dates & it’s totally innocent

  And it’s not like everyone is taking dates

  I mean most kids are not

  I am begging you

  MOM

  Victoria, I will do what I think is right

  MOM

  This is not your concern

  VICTORIA

  It is my concern

  It’s a FUNDRAISER for ST. FRANCIS

  And Edward is donating all this stuff from the party company

  I thought of asking him all on my own

  I really took initiative

  I really care about this

  I’m really involved in the dance

  Please listen to me

  Please let me go

  MOM

  Victoria. Stop.

  VICTORIA

  I feel like what happened when I was 4 @ the mall has spooked you for life and now you can’t function like a normal person

  You can never face it

  And it is ruining your life

  And my life, too

  MOM

  Enough

  Get your coat

  Time for school

  Squad 4 Life

  VICTORIA

  Guys

  I need to call an emergency meeting

  Not at my house, tho

  Where can we meet after school

  My mom is letting me go to friends’ houses again

  FINALLY THANK THE LORD

  Get back to me asap please

  Need to use special secret shared notebook

  VICTORIA

  Let’s call it SSSNB

  Where r u guyssssss

  From: Cecily Anderson

  To: Gabrielle Katz, Victoria Melford, Prianka Basak

  Subject: Today

  Hi! Vic, I saw the texts but couldn’t respond so I’m moving this to email and hopefully you all check in study hall today. Don’t want to bring up at lunch in case it’s super emotional and private.

  Anyway, do you want to come over to my house? We can meet after school. My mom has a meeting and Ingrid has lacrosse tryouts.

  Write back or just show up! Or drop me a locker note to say you’re coming!

  Xoxox Cece

  See you after school! No time to email. Xo Pri

  I’m coming over! Woo! So much to discuss. Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox GABS!

  Thanks for having us over. Love, Vic

  Hi guys, thanks for all meeting at Cece’s. I’m really having serious issues with some stuff and I haven’t been open about it and I wonder if there are things going on with you, too, that you haven’t been open about. I think we can all be honest about this. I don’t want to make this a Struggle Journal but maybe it will turn into that. I’ve been realizing that I suffer alone a lot of the time but I don’t want to. I want to lean on others and get help. So that’s why I called this emergency meeting. I want to write about my problems and then I hope you guys respond and then you can write about yours maybe and then we can all be honest and rely on one another. Sound OK? OK!

  I am freaking out over things with my mom. She seems to want to derail all things and
keep me locked up like a baby. I’m such a good person, rule follower, get good grades, all of that. And yet she barely wants me to go out, and she’s already freaking out over the Valentine’s Day Dance even with all of my hard work. I mean, I’m getting a free photo booth and ARCADE GAMES! HOW AWESOME IS THAT? And what if I can’t even enjoy it?!?

  I think deep down she is always afraid!!! That’s why she yelled at everyone at sledding and made such a scene. IT WAS THE WORST.

  Why is my mom like this??? Why can’t she be like your moms???

  I don’t know what to do. I just really, really want to take some action. I feel like I am missing my whole life.

  Passing to Cece now. Love, Vic

  * * *

  First of all, Vic, I think this is super brave of you. We do need to lean on each other and you have a lot going on in your head and it’s not healthy to keep it all in. I struggle with feeling the need to be perfect. You guys all know that. And also the whole thing about liking girls and not being totally sure where to go with it. It just feels like I’m alone in that and it’s something that will get easier with time. I’m not really sure.

  But enough about me.

  Vic, I wonder if you could ever talk to your dad about this stuff. Have you tried? I know it can be awkward with dads but maybe it can work? And if not, I wonder if the school psychologist or your guidance counselor can help. Sometimes it helps to get other people involved. Just a few ideas. Passing to Gabs. LOVE YOU ALL FOREVER AND EVER, Cece

  * * *

  Hi! OK, so you know my main stuff so I won’t bore you with that again. Obv the ADHD thing and my school frustrations and all of that. But also it’s more. I want to find my passion and I have been working on that and I may have found it but stay tuned and also enough about me. I think that we need to try and get your mom to be more social with our moms. I think it’ll really help. Can we plan a brunch or dinner or something very soon? Before the dance? And then all the moms can talk to your mom and maybe help her relax a little? Great idea, right??? Passing to Pri. Xoxo Gabs

  * * *

  Hiiiiiii, LOVIES!!! Well obvs I have no worries at all because I’m Prianka Basak the extraordinary and a poetry champion so yeah. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! JK! Of course I have problems. DUH. WE ALL DO. Which is why I’m obsessed with this journal and putting it all out there, maybe in poetry form. HAHA. JK again! See, I am trying to bring the humor here!

  OK, anyway. I love Gabs’s idea and I think we need to do it right away. I love that you’re reaching out to us, Vic, and love that we can all be honest about our stuff and I love our friendship and I LOVE ALL OF YOU SOOOOO MUCH! SMOOCHES FOREVER, Pri

  * * *

  Hi! So what if my mom sends an email to everyone? Mama Anderson is good @ organizing.

  * * *

  Wait!!! We can’t let my mom know that we are sort of forcing it on her. We need to make it seem like a normal plan somehow that she drops me off at, and then maybe they encourage her to stay? I don’t know. She doesn’t like forced things. UGH SHE DOESN’T SEEM TO LIKE ANYTHING. WAHHHHH.

  * * *

  Good point, Vic. We don’t want her to feel awk and then not even come.

  * * *

  Agree. Maybe we all get ready for the dance together and the moms come? But if you’re not allowed to go to the dance that won’t work.

  * * *

  Maybe we can all go out for ice cream together after a PTA meeting when we are presenting since we know Mama Melford goes to those!

  * * *

  Genius!! We won’t plan it. Just pray it happens after PTA meeting.

  Cecily, Mom

  CECILY

  Mom?

  Are you there

  MOM

  Hi

  Yes

  Downstairs

  CECILY

  Can we text

  MOM

  Um, sure. Why, though?

  CECILY

  Don’t want Dad to weigh in and make jokes

  MOM

  Ok

  CECILY

  Can you help me with Vic’s mom?

  MOM

  What’s going on?

  I’d really prefer to discuss this face-to-face

  CECILY

  MOMMMMMMMM

  MOM

  OK, come down and discuss, please

  CECILY

  Fine

  Bye

  From: Yorkville Animal Shelter

  To: Gabrielle Katz

  Subject: RE: volunteering

  Hello, Ms. Katz!

  We’d be thrilled to have you volunteer. Normally our volunteers are 18+ but we have had a great deal of interest from middle schoolers and so we are starting a middle school volunteer program. It meets on Saturdays from 3-5 and it can fulfill school community service requirements, although we are not saying you are doing it for that reason. :)

  Please let us know when you would like to begin. You can email back, call, or stop by the shelter.

  Puppy love!

  Marren Fleetis

  Director, Yorkville Animal Shelter

  From: Gabrielle Katz

  To: Yorkville Animal Shelter

  Subject: volunteering

  Dear Yorkville Animal Shelter:

  I wanted to find out about volunteer programs for middle school kids. I love dogs and I want to help. Please get back to me.

  Thank you,

  Gabrielle Katz

  Squad 4 Life

  GABRIELLE

  Guys

  Guess what

  Yorkville Animal Shelter has a middle school kids volunteer program on Saturdays & I’m gonna do it! Anyone wanna do it with me

  PASSION ALERT

  I think I wanna be a vet when I grow up

  CECILY

  Wooo so awesome, Gabs

  GABRIELLE

  Feeling pumped

  CECILY

  WOOOOO TO ALL

  PRIANKA

  New life motto

  “Woo to all!”

  CECILY

  Love it

  K bye

  GABRIELLE

  Mwah

  PRIANKA

  Mwah

  From: Cecily Anderson

  To: Edward Carransey

  Subject: New Initiative

  Dear Mr. Carransey,

  I stopped by your office earlier but you were in a meeting. I want to start something new. I had to check with my mom first, though.

  It’s called SOCIAL MEDIA FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR EVIL. Everyone will sign a pledge that they vow to use social media in a different way. It won’t be for leaving people out or bullying someone or anything like that. The situation with the viral video of Marisa (#MaRIPa) was horrible. I know Jared got in trouble and was suspended for a week but we need to really take it a step further.

  It seems like it all started with the whole thing with Sami and the ranking and the #broboom thing and now the video. Social media has become toxic to the extreme. I really want to make this change. Please let me know what you think.

  Thank you, Cecily Anderson

  I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

  —Louisa May Alcott

  Dear Journal,

  I realized something. I only turn to you when I’m upset and that’s not fair. Maybe it’s because I take the good stuff for granted and I don’t write it down. Or maybe it’s because the bad stuff always feels more important. But anyway, I need to turn to you when I feel good, too. And guess what? Today I feel good! I think I’ve finally found my passion: animals! Dogs, specifically. And I get to volunteer at the Yorkville Animal Shelter on Saturdays. It’s gonna be great. Plus my friends and I are really all getting along right now and we’re trying to help Victoria with her issues with her mom. I feel like I need to pause and appreciate this moment. Thank you for all of your support. ;) Xoxo Gabs

  My Loves

  VICTORIA

  GUYSSSSSSS

  OMG

  I know it is late but Cece, my mom just got off the phone wi
th your mom and they talked for an hour!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I didn’t even know she was calling!!

  CECILY

  OMG

  I didn’t know for sure either but they talk sometimes at PTA meetings sooo . . .

  I was eavesdropping, too

  VICTORIA

  Since we are going to the PTA meeting to talk about the dance my mom said OK to ice cream after

  CECILY

  THIS IS HUGE,

  VICTORIA

  I KNOW

  SOOOOO excited

  GABRIELLE

  Wait!!! When is this happening??

  CECILY

  Monday

  GABRIELLE

  Oh, I forgot dance committee is going to PTA meeting to discuss plans

  PRIANKA

  This is community service, too, LOL

  GABRIELLE

  CECILY

  K great

  VICTORIA

  U GUYS

  I am soooo excited my mom agreed

  PRIANKA

  WOO TO ALL

  CECILY

  WOO TO ALL

  GABRIELLE

  WOO TO ALL

  VICTORIA

  LOL WOO TO ALL

  From: Cecily Anderson

  To: Prianka Basak, Gabrielle Katz, Victoria Melford

  Subject: MISSION FOR ICE CREAM DATE

  Hi, guys!

  Sorry for all caps in subject line but I am just soooooo excited and can’t keep chill in study hall!!!!

  OK, so goals:

  Get Vic’s mom to chill out re: dance and date and all other kids growing up stuff

  Get moms to stop snooping (prob not gonna accomplish this in one night but worth a try!)

  HANG OUT & HAVE SO MUCH FUN

  EAT ICE CREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I AM SOOOOOOO EXCITED.

  xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo Cece

  From: Edward Carransey

  To: Cecily Anderson

  Subject: RE: New Initiative

  Dear Cecily,